'What I Got' To Have

Destiny – The course of events thought of as being impossible to resist and decided in advance. In simpler form it is termed fate.

It’s a general practice to say ‘it’s all destined to happen this way’ or ‘it’s bound to happen because it is written beforehand’.

I have always found that I have problems accepting certain things that were ‘destined’ for me. I questioned their validity. Who had the authority to conclude that they befit me? Did they bother to check if that was what I wanted? After all that melodrama, when something went wrong, it was easier to blame it on others because I really had nothing to do with whatever ‘mess’ I was placed in. I felt that I was just a doll that got placed amidst lots of action and more play masters. That was more than enough to make me feel disconnected to the surrounding but anyway I got to be there, there is no way out.

Until one fine day I thought …. And thought… I keep complaining, “This is what I got.” What does that mean? It means this I what I was given whether I wanted it or not. What did I do with it? Its just been lying there unattended and for quite some time.

That is almost close to cowardice. It is plainly shirking away something with a lot of frill attachments like disappointment, unhappiness and many more.

I evaluated my thoughts, or some of my thoughts to be truthful, and realized most of them need no evaluation and had to be just on surface rejected and then reminded myself, “This is what I have”. What does that mean now? It means I have taken ownership of the situation and am making an effort to connect to the surrounding, may be at my own slow pace. This doesn’t mean I am in possession but it only means I take responsibility to attend to it, not because it is obligatory but because I am here so I might as well get involved.

So destiny, here we go. I decide to walk hand in hand with you instead of searching for you inside me or elsewhere. You are here in the present, so why will I have to go beyond? Here I am, with you.